He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
