If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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