Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As shirtless as possible
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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