If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
