I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My cat gives me a boner
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
