I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
