grandma shit on top of the toilet
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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