I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
