i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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