Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
