we're blogging at a bar
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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