what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
