I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
