Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
