i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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