Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
