do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
