dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
