i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
