Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
