I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
