I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
