I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
