i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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