you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
