You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
