Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
