WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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