omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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