I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
