Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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