when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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