you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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