You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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