Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
