This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
