he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
