and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
