I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
