I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize