then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
