I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
