the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
