Small penises have feelings too.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
