we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
