Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
