well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
