This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
