finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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