I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
