I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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