I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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