ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
