So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
