Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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