Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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