have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
