Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize