One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
