just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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