I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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