if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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