and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
