I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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