if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
