Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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